iSassmaster
by OneHorseShay
Summary: Lauren Ackerman thought Carly could be sassy, but when it was time for parent-teacher conference then she met the Sassmaster: Mrs. Taylor Shay. An AU interpretation of 'iHave a Lovesick Teacher'. Passing mention of Creddie.


iSassmaster  
>By OneHorseShay<br>Disclaimer: Don't Own, don't sue. For God sakes, don't sue.  
>Rating: T Language<p>

Summary: Lauren Ackerman thought Carly could be sassy, but when it was time for parent-teacher conference then she met the Sassmaster: Mrs. Taylor Shay. An AU interpretation of 'iHave a Lovesick Teacher'. Passing mention of Creddie.

**Author's Note: This was inspired by a tumblr posting by sockstar I came across one time as a suggestion as who could play Carly and Spencer's mother: Special Guest Appearance by Tina Fey as Taylor Shay. This interpretation of Taylor Shay may share a few characteristics of my previous interpretations of the character, but this one for the most part is quite, _quite_ different.**

Lauren Ackerman's Classroom  
>Ridgeway High School<br>Seattle, WA  
>May 2008<p>

Ackerman sitting behind her desk as she grumbled and gave another F in red ink across the face of the paper she was 'grading'. Her stupid ex-boyfriend and that stupid sassy Carly Shay annoyed her to no end, but her annoyance was slowly ebbing away as she marked paper after paper with a satisfying F.

"You know you're actually supposed to grade those?" a voice called out from the open door of the classroom.

The dirty blond looked up from her papers at the glasses wearing brunette standing at the doorway. She frowned at the forty-something year old woman interrupting her stress relief. She growled out in frustration, "I'm a teacher; I know what I'm doing."

The older woman laughed as she walked inside then took a seat at the front student desk. The laughter stayed in her voice as she answered, "Well, I have been teaching for the more than twenty years, so I think I know what to do too. You're actually supposed to look at the papers before you grade them. I think that's something they still teach in school when you're learning to be a teacher, but maybe they've changed it since I went back for my certification after graduate school?"

"Who are you?" the younger teacher asked in a curt tone.

She smiled brightly. "I'm Taylor. I'm the art teacher for the elementary wing of the school. I'm on the other side of the room most of the time during the faculty meetings."

"Why are you here?" Ackerman growled out as her patience was already mostly gone. That last thing she wanted was advice from another one of the old guard of the school like Briggs and Howard.

Taylor adjusted her glasses on her face and replied, "I'm here for our parent-teacher conference. I'm Taylor _Shay_. You wanted to speak to me about my daughter talking back to you or something?"

The younger teacher huffed out and slammed her red marker down on the desk. "Yes, she was disrespectful and sassy during class. She's one little sass-master, that's why I gave her detention."

Taylor smiled and Ackerman frowned in response at how happy the woman looked. "Yes, she can be quite sassy… I'm glad she was in your class, you deserved a little sass, so I just called Spencer to take her home instead of detention."

Ackerman blinked and let her mouth drop open for a moment. The irritation and her anger came back full force, "You approve of her behavior? Being disrespectful to me? You can't make exceptions just because she's your daughter."

The art teacher frowned then replied with hint of irritation in her voice, "You picked on her boyfriend; of course she sassed you back. I'm sorry that you apparently hate males, but picking on a fourteen year old, _really_?" Taylor tilted her head to the side slightly and asked again in a slightly higher pitched voice, "Really?"

Ackerman snorted out in anger then replied, "He's a guy whether he is fourteen or forty, they are all the same: no good losers."

Taylor leaned forward in her seat in the student desk and looked Ackerman straight in her eyes. "You don't know anything about Freddie: he's a sweet caring boy that doesn't bother anyone and treats my daughter like a princess. I'm sorry that you're miserable because your boyfriend dumped you and couldn't treat you as well, but you don't take your pain out on your students and you certainly don't take it out on my daughter or her boyfriend."

"They were disrupting my class!"

Taylor tilted her head to the side and gave her a slight frown. "You were lying on your desk crying is not a class, it's an embarrassment. My five and six years do that because they're five and six year olds, what's your excuse?"

"You're just as sassy as your daughter," she snarked at the brunette.

Taylor grinned. "Of course, I'm the real sass-master and she's still learning, but I'm glad she's have such a great start with practice like you."

"Is that so? Then I'm going to keep giving her detention and tell Principal Franklin what you're doing! You just can't get rid of her detention because you're a teacher."

In a stern voice that Taylor only used to the high school level students when they were being disruptive through her hallways, "You are going to leave my daughter alone or we're going to go see Franklin _right now_ not as fellow teachers, but as parent filing a formal complaint against my child's teacher then we start going up the chain."

"Then I'll just tell him _your_ misconduct. You're playing favorite to your daughter and he'll fire you for it."

Taylor gave a rarely used deep frown and replied in a sterner voice, "Fire me? As if Teddy could. I have twenty years in teaching besides the two medical leaves I took when I was battling my leukemia. I have tenure; it's easier to get rid of _him_ as principal than it is me as a teacher. Why do think Briggs and Howard or my God, Hennings, who couldn't teach his way out of a wet paper bag, are still here? But you? This is your first year and we're just a month away until school's over. Do you think he'd hire you back for next year if I start complaining about how you treat my daughter? You need this job, I don't. I'm an artist by profession. I do this to finger paint with the kids. So don't you dare threaten me or my child!"

It wasn't lost on Ackerman that the brunette's cheeks were becoming flushed and she was taking deeper breaths. The artist was staring coldly at the history teacher as if she was prey. The dirty blonde snorted out her bubbling irritation as a cover for her fear then started, "Maybe you should calm down—"

Taylor stood up and crossed the short distance to the teacher's desk. She rested her hands on the edge of the desk and leaned over to stare Ackerman in the eyes. She huffed out, "You don't tell a woman to calm down. It just gets us all worked up." She slammed a palm on top of the stack of papers in front of Ackerman then stared back into her eyes with a fuming look. "Do you see me? You got me all worked up now because you had to tell me to _calm down_!" as she slammed her palm on the papers again to emphasize the words 'calm down'.

Ackerman swallowed a suddenly formed lump in her throat as she stared at the irritated art teacher. She choked out a breath then a sniffle then she started crying. She covered her face with her hands and started bawling.

Taylor's shoulders slumped and gave her a sympathetic look and her anger flamed out as if a gust of wind blew it out. She walked around the desk and patted the younger teacher on the shoulder. She whispered out as gently as she did with her little kids and to Spencer and Carly when they were younger, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. It's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry," Ackerman choke out through the tears. "He dumped me and broke my heart. I can't believe I let that loser treat me like that. I really am taking it out them."

The brunette tilted her head to the side and glanced up at the ceiling as she realized something. She looked back to Ackerman and suggested, "You know, my son Spencer and you are around the same age and he's a real good guy that would treat you right and he's single."

Ackerman wiped under her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffled as she looked to Taylor. "Wait, you get made at me for threatening Carly, but you're trying to hook me up with your son?"

The artist laughed. "I'm just suggesting that there are good guys out there and he happens to be one of them. It's up to you if you want to talk to him and up to him if he wants to talk back."

The dirty blonde nodded her head and pulled out a tissue from the tissue box sitting on her desk to wipe her eyes.

Taylor motioned her head towards the door and cheerfully suggested, "Come on, I know how to make you feel better. I did the same thing with my friend Ruby nearly thirty years ago."

Shay Apartment  
>Seattle, WA<p>

Taylor and Lauren were sitting on the couch in front of the television as they ate out of separate cartons of ice cream. The artist held up her spoon and commented with a smile, "You can never go wrong with ice cream as a comfort food. I used the same trick with my best friend during high school when her boyfriend broke up with her... then Steven broke him."

Lauren wasn't giving her full attention to Taylor as she kept glancing over at Spencer working on one of his sculptures and he passing back with his own glances.

The Shay matriarch noticed and allowed a small grin to form on her face. "You're going to have to go over and talk to him at some point."

Ackerman looked back to her fellow teacher and replied guiltily, "I want to finish my ice cream."

The older woman nodded and continued to wear her smile. "Good idea."

Lauren finished a spoonful of ice cream then asked hesitantly, "I was wondering: so no one ever tells you to calm down?"

The brunette smiled and replied before taking another spoonful of ice cream, "The only one that can tell me to calm down is my husband Steven."

"So it works for him?"

Taylor snorted out, "Of course not—" she looked down in her took a spoonful of the ice in her mouth and let it melt in her mouth for a few moments before swallowing then finished, "it just always leads to _great _lovemaking."

Ackerman nearly choked on her ice cream and blushed at the statement. She coughed for a moment then asked once her throat was cleared, "Are you always this sassy?"

The brunette grinned as she replied, "I have to be to maintain my title of sass-master."


End file.
